· Say, "I'm sorry"
· Give them the opportunity to talk about the deceased
· Allow them to share their memories
· Use the deceased person's name
· Validate that grieving is normal
· Ask them how you can help
DO NOT Say· I know just how you feel. · Time heals all wounds. · Aren't you happy he's in heaven? · You're lucky your baby's in heaven with God. Because· No one can truly know what another feels. · Time alone does not heal the pain. · This fails to honor the deep suffering of the bereaved. Although they may be comforted by their faith, the pain of missing loved ones is the present reality.
DO NOT Say· Be thankful he was not aware at the end. · He (or she) had a good life. Because· This observes the death from our perspective, not from that of the bereaved. This discounts the grieving person's pain.
DO NOT Say· Things will be back to normal in a month or two. · Now you need to get on with your life. Because· This puts limits on a person's grief. · Each person needs to grieve in his or her own time and way.
DO NOT Say· He was only a baby - you really didn't get that attached to him. · Your mother was pretty old – did you think she'd live forever? · She was only your friend. Because· We cannot judge the depth of the relationship one person has for another. · Each person is irreplaceable.
DO NOT Say· You can’t stay sad forever. · He wouldn't want you to be sad. Because· You deny the fact that being sad and expressing strong emotions are a very necessary part of healing. Four Easy Tips to Remember When Consoling 1. Listen to the bereaved 2. Be understanding 3. You don't need to say very much 4. Just be there for them | 
